Who are we as the Judge
sometimes needed, sometimes wanted, often challenging?
On Saturday the 21st of July 2024, we had another Worldwork Journalism session (3rd of cycle III). This time we came together from Kenya, Egypt, Ukraine/Germany, Lithuania, Russia, the UK and Germany. The co-creative process starts with an online Worldwork session (facilitated dialogue) during 30-40 minutes, before everybody captures their own experience in words and deepens personal highlights by writing. As a reader, you are also very much invited to share your perspective on the topics or delve deeper into the aspects discussed by participants, in the comments below.
Photo by Benjamin Cheng on Unsplash
Here are the shared reflections of the ‘world work journalists’ after the facilitated dialogue on ‘Judgement over lifestyle choices’:
Growing a protection shell against external mainstream judgement. Not even as a defence to too heavy judgement, but as a means for freedom. The rebel. The outcast. The one above it all. The great fear is “to be just like the others and not be free”. Sourcing strength, courage, and curiosity from this “invincibility to judgment”. And judging those others, judging the mainstream, judging the system to cope with being judged. While belonging to the community of the like-minded, judging the others in order to belong. Judging the past in order to outgrow it.
Then slowly maturing into surrendering those defences. I learned to respect the system, the mainstream, and the norm as they are. To respect is not to approve, not to blindly follow, not to agree – simply respect as something that exists, that is old, that is huge and has a reason to be. Experimenting with fitting into the mainstream roles and crossing the edge. Look at me – once a radical “ranger” in life, living in a nuclear family, two kids, a loaned apartment in the family-style area of Moscow… Yack. And suffering – not from the fact that it’s “too ordinary”, but experiencing why it doesn’t work for me.
And then in the era of conflict, war, violence, escalation, and polarization – there is in me the judging it all. Those supporting war, supporting authoritarianism, “choosing” violence. I can’t settle into “ok, these are my choices and there are yours, let us co-exist together”.
Your choices hurt so many, I judge them and I want to fight them. Chances are my choices hurt you?.. You want to fight me back. Occasionally joining the facilitator’s role and trying to build the dialogue, but sliding back into opposition and judgment, is needed. Again reminding myself of the phases of conflict…
Vlad
Me and you are two different realities we meet at the junction and you are using your rank and are very opinionated
I listen and feel into you and say that it may be the path, but I feel differently
Your subtle jerking back brings in new energy though and my rank increases
You listen now more attentively to the idea of roundabouts and see the point of them
It’s so illuminating for both of us
My heart is filled with gratitude and desire to work together
I’ll give you my radiant smile and you seal it with your smile
Marina
Most often we judge and get judged too. It is really difficult not to judge but with practice, we can be cautious enough before judging. I have been judged and I have judged others too. In this space, I want to talk about both incidents because they affected my life in a totally different way!
I have always thought that those who judge others are ‘perfect’ and not once nor twice have I found myself in the ‘self-righteousness’ space where I judged someone harshly because they were treating people badly. I kept condemning them until one day I created time and visited them. After hearing about their pasts, I started understanding their origin of ‘bad treatment‘. They weren't treated any better so there was no way they would know how to treat anyone good. From there, we worked on their childhood traumas.
Second scenario, I have often been judged harshly. My life has been a very difficult one right from childhood. I close doors immediately when I sense mockery or bad spirit/energy. People don't understand why I withdraw as soon as I sense I do not belong. This has always been translated to pride! But in a real sense, I am healing wounds that no one should open because they are still fresh. Not unless someone asks, they can not understand why I choose a lonely life. I choose those to relate with and those to open up to very carefully. But on the outside, I'm very bubbly if the environment allows.
People judge due to many reasons, I will mention a few; misconceptions, lack of information, wrong information, fear to explore what and who they're judging and brainwashing among others.
Even though one should be careful what judgment to take in, it would be best not to fear being judged because it is also a great chance to get to know your identity too.
Mildred
What a relief when Vlad spoke about his judgment. Me too, I want to judge. I want to judge the efficiency trance around me. Like hamsters, people are running on their wheels not knowing what for. Grieving but not knowing what for. And then mental health issues and burnout occur. We all must have inner judges that make us run. Of course, me too, I have my inner judge that keeps telling me all along … that is not enough.
Some time ago I had a dream, I had my stepfather standing in front of me and he was full of aggression and anger towards me. But instead of being intimidated as in childhood, I feel the same kind of anger arising in me. Beside me stood two of my conflict facilitation teachers and I understand that having them on my side I can allow this anger to unfold.
Working with C.G. Jung’s dream work paradigm, all figures in a nightdream are parts of ourselves. And I like the idea of being able to have this inner confrontation of the judge and the judged one. It is like stepping out of an inner oppression and out of this something new can grow.
Stephie
Oh my sweet judge! My poisonous critic! I am so terrified of you that I can hardly breathe. My legs are so tense that I am not able to move. I need you to say that I am OK. That I am enough. That I’ve done well. Good girl. Mommy is proud of you. Mommy loves you. But I know that I am not OK. Not enough. Never enough. For you nor for me. I judge others, I feel superior, I lose people, I feel guilty… Not a saint, my dear, you are not a saint yet! Try some more, work on yourself, pray, meditate, go over the edge for goodness sake! Sometimes I obey you, my sweet horrible judge, that I love to listen to so much. And sometimes I don’t. I stay where I am. Not changing. Not developing. Not improving. Just breathing. Just listening to my heartbeat. Still alive.
Kazimiera
Such a moving topic that compelled lots of emotions and questions from within. Who is the judge, why am I feeling judged, who gave this judge this sort of power over me and why do I let him/her get away with it? Until I heard a voice “The outer judge became the inner judge” and somehow that gives a sense of relief. Beating yourself up on account that you don't think you’re good enough… was never from within, that was something external that became internalised. Something that led to years of self-punishment and less kindness and somehow I’m guilty too. I judge too as I was judged. Yet I sort of feel judged justifying why I judge. Have I become the very thing that caused me internal pain? All this makes me look inside and see a shrivelled up sad inner me and I want to hug her. I want to apologise for not protecting her and vow to be a team against this inner judge from the outside. It's relieving and empowering to those who may feel the same, and brings a sort of healing as well. If there's resistance from the outer judge then I wanna judge this judge till it leaves me alone.
Cynthia
Lost in inner judgements
David
I sat silent for most of the group process, having nothing much to share about judgements. Been there, done that and this and the opposite. No solution, judgements will go on. Bored.
I noticed helplessness rise inside my body and a feeling of asphyxiation. Am I bored? No, I just remembered, the price people had to pay for being judged, the price I had to pay. Oh, what price! The suicides were mentioned, and i got a little heartbroken. I also remembered her, my deceased colleague. Till when?
How many people were killed because I endorsed a point of view that I took lightly out of my privilege or a pov that killed me out of others’ privileges? How many parts of me were killed because of this judge?
I loved the energy of Vlad saying, I judge those warmongers! Hell yeah Vlad, me too.
This reminded me of what a teacher told us once, the key is to have “life-affirming judgments” which are thought processes that are authentic and productive so to say.
Life-affirming to who? The judge? My insecure parts? My silent parts? The committers in me or the victims? When will this war end?
I remember HIM and I feel the longing under the earlier hopelessness. Al-Wasi’ The All-Encompassing, the Boundless, the wide big heart that holds all. AL-JABBAR The Compeller, The Restorer of all our pieces, getting them together in peace. Allah.
Nadin
I brought this topic…judgement over our lifestyle choices…and the moment I was sharing how it felt to be excluded and judged around my sexuality the signal on my Zoom failed and I couldn’t get back into the session until the end of the group process. It felt so strange. I was excluded, just as I shared about being judged and judging and yet I felt calm and trusting of the group process and curious about what was unfolding. Strangely the process of being outside of the group trying to get in enabled me to feel more understanding of the judge in me, learning to take time to stand back and notice her when she appears rather than jumping straight in with judgement.
Phil
Dear reader, if you feel like it, please join our conversation by liking or commenting … scrolling to the comment section below 🙏🖋️🌱👍
About 🌏 Worldwork
Worldwork is an application of Processwork also known as process-oriented psychology. As a psychological and conflict-resolution approach developed by Arnold Mindell in the 1970s, it's based on the principles of Jungian psychology, Taoism, and systems theory, and it is used in various settings, including therapy, organizational development, community building, and conflict resolution. At its core, Worldwork aims to explore and understand both individual and collective processes in order to address conflicts, promote personal growth, and transform tensions into co-creative energy in relationships within groups and communities. It focuses on bringing awareness to marginalised or ignored perspectives, as well as the deeper layers of consciousness within individuals and groups.
Thanks to the group of WW journalists for the deep and playful co-creation of this article, Marina for the co-facilitation of the online session, and Cynthia and Philippa for your editing support 🙏
The initiators of this space
Stephanie Bachmair (founder B.ONFIRE) is a communication passionate, facilitator, leadership coach, and process work diplomat. She supports individuals, teams, and organizations to explore and craft their stories, tell them with charisma, relate to their audience, and increase their transformative power through dialogue.
Penny Watson (MACF) works as a coach, group facilitator and community development worker. She loves working with people in nature using process-orientated earth-based practices. She lives in Mparntwe, Alice Springs, and is deeply inspired by the people and lands of the Central Australian Desert. - currently retired -
If you want more
If you are interested in knowing more & experiencing process work, we will offer a free online session on Deep Democracy in Organisations, the 8th of August 6,30pm to 8,30pm CET, then you can register here
All of Us in All of This Together, 7days Process Work & Worldwork Clinic with Deep Democracy Institute in Granada, Spain 7-13th of Oct. More info here
Deep Democracy Lab in Hamburg: Eldership & Power Dynamics. 14th to 16th of November in Hamburg. More info here.
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