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Penny Watson's avatar

I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!

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Penny Watson's avatar

Thanks Stephie for this great topic!

I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.

But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.

I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!

Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.

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