Reaching Out
Sometime it is a painful need, sometimes an invitation to relate, sometimes an opportunity to co-create ... in any case a discipline I still feel the wish to grow further
The Art of Asking. A discipline I am working on for many years and still feel being a beginner. From small on, I felt more comfortable on the giver side than on the one who asks and receives. Growing older, I always aimed to be, differently from my female ancestors, an independent woman who would somehow survive on her own. And yes, that was my path, I proved this ability by walking through some severe life challenges, and I deepened the trust in myself. And there were some other harsh moments, I understood, it gets too much, I have no choice, I will not manage it alone. There was no choice but to throw my pride and sense of independence aside … and learn to ask.
On a socio-political dimension, I want to mention Ukraine, and its destiny to be now almost a year in a war situation and in need of international support. Probably, it is not me to apologize, but I am sorry for Germany’s and other Western allies’ slow reactions. And when I hear someone complain about tonality and accusations towards our politicians, I want to say, are you aware of the privileged peaceful situation we live in … do you know what it means to ask for help out of war / deep crisis?
This is a particular situation. In general, there are many people here around (speaking about my German neighborhood) that are not good at asking. Amanda Palmer with her Ted Talk has been a big inspiration for me. Her message showed me that asking can be an art and therefore much more than weak neediness. Asking can be an opportunity for our surrounding to relate to and support us. If you like to watch: Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking. Sure, and this at least for me is not evident, first, you need to understand what it is exactly you need and who are the right people to ask for it.
For two years, I love to support the fundraiser for our yearly DDI (Deep Democracy Institute) Intensive, a global training on facilitations skills. The aim is to finance scholarships so that this event is accessible not only for monetary more wealthy global north but also global south students. I feel joy in fundraising for that cause that deeply matters to me. Contributing to a community of international facilitators that continuously work on our own and other awareness-building… means a lot to me. It is nourished by my inner fire, supported by my personal, how I would say as a process worker, dreaming process.
Somehow this can be transferred to creative entrepreneurship too. Isn’t it beautiful to observe, how entrepreneurship becomes more of a movement? I love to be an entrepreneur and to create smart businesses through my endeavors. At the same time, it is part of my professional activity, to help people share their voice/passion and invite others to support … and become more generous in supporting others when we resonate. This is a different form of co-creation and collaboration. This is part of a better world I am dreaming of and working on.
So far a bit of sharing around this topic through my lens, I would love to learn and deepen my understanding by hearing your voices. Please join the conversation. We also plan to do a B-onfire Podcast Season on The Art of Asking, so please let us know if you or someone you know has a ‘voice’ to share around this topic. We are looking for inspiring interview partners.
I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!
Thanks Stephie for this great topic!
I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.
But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.
I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!
Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.