Sometime it is a painful need, sometimes an invitation to relate, sometimes an opportunity to co-create ... in any case a discipline I still feel the wish to grow further
I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!
Isn’t it amazing this video, I especially love her finish ... where she says, imagine people do not need to pay for music, but we let them pay for it. I think there is a whole different relationship with money in it, I feel I would love to explore further
Yes, I’d love to explore this more too! There is a quiet revolution happening which redefines economy. About giving and asking without expectation, and as more and more of us free up around guilt of taking more than we give at any one time, there is an increase of generousity and non-conditional exchange.
I’m still very much unwiring myself around old patterns of measuring the value of exchange and attachment to my isolating belief systems. But I’m inspired by people I know who live like this. It’s beautiful and it works!! Grows friendships and interconnected, interdependent community.
I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.
But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.
I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!
Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.
Sorry for taking a moment before answering, I was offline for a bit, thank you for sharing this personal reflection, dear penny, I am learning through listening to you ... hmm, the art of asking means awareness in what we need and how to bring it somehow packed well, true, and w/o too much of an emotional pressure into relationships 😅
Thank you for this beautiful reminder, Stephie! I feel like I needed to hear this after a busy week of doing & giving. Being independent and managing to do things alone is still so present in the Western culture that it really takes courage and strength to ask for support, whatever the situation is. Yet it also takes courage to stop and tune into where do I need support right now instead of just moving forward. I´m excited to watch the video you recommend and continue learning. Warm wishes from Helsinki, I
Dear iina, I love the transfer you do to our busy lives and the understanding that asking for support needs slowing down, it needs a different mode ... switching from giving into receiving ...
Hi Stephie - I relate to the inner tension "can do it myself" versus "needing support" and love how you relate that to politics and the amazing example of Ukraine, independent spirit and depending on support - learning how to ask, learning from you here because I signed up to your newsletter x
I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!
Isn’t it amazing this video, I especially love her finish ... where she says, imagine people do not need to pay for music, but we let them pay for it. I think there is a whole different relationship with money in it, I feel I would love to explore further
Yes, I’d love to explore this more too! There is a quiet revolution happening which redefines economy. About giving and asking without expectation, and as more and more of us free up around guilt of taking more than we give at any one time, there is an increase of generousity and non-conditional exchange.
I’m still very much unwiring myself around old patterns of measuring the value of exchange and attachment to my isolating belief systems. But I’m inspired by people I know who live like this. It’s beautiful and it works!! Grows friendships and interconnected, interdependent community.
Thanks Stephie for this great topic!
I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.
But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.
I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!
Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.
Sorry for taking a moment before answering, I was offline for a bit, thank you for sharing this personal reflection, dear penny, I am learning through listening to you ... hmm, the art of asking means awareness in what we need and how to bring it somehow packed well, true, and w/o too much of an emotional pressure into relationships 😅
Thank you for this beautiful reminder, Stephie! I feel like I needed to hear this after a busy week of doing & giving. Being independent and managing to do things alone is still so present in the Western culture that it really takes courage and strength to ask for support, whatever the situation is. Yet it also takes courage to stop and tune into where do I need support right now instead of just moving forward. I´m excited to watch the video you recommend and continue learning. Warm wishes from Helsinki, I
Dear iina, I love the transfer you do to our busy lives and the understanding that asking for support needs slowing down, it needs a different mode ... switching from giving into receiving ...
Hi Stephie - I relate to the inner tension "can do it myself" versus "needing support" and love how you relate that to politics and the amazing example of Ukraine, independent spirit and depending on support - learning how to ask, learning from you here because I signed up to your newsletter x
Thank you, dear julia, I love how you distill the structure/polarity out of my writing. Feel so enriched by your presence and support 💕