Sometime it is a painful need, sometimes an invitation to relate, sometimes an opportunity to co-create ... in any case a discipline I still feel the wish to grow further
I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!
I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.
But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.
I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!
Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder, Stephie! I feel like I needed to hear this after a busy week of doing & giving. Being independent and managing to do things alone is still so present in the Western culture that it really takes courage and strength to ask for support, whatever the situation is. Yet it also takes courage to stop and tune into where do I need support right now instead of just moving forward. I´m excited to watch the video you recommend and continue learning. Warm wishes from Helsinki, I
Hi Stephie - I relate to the inner tension "can do it myself" versus "needing support" and love how you relate that to politics and the amazing example of Ukraine, independent spirit and depending on support - learning how to ask, learning from you here because I signed up to your newsletter x
I just watched Amanda Palmer’s Ted talk. Powerful reminder about connection and trust. I see how my unrelatedness has caused me problems in the asking department!
Thanks Stephie for this great topic!
I’ve been on some long drives with my partner lately (over 3,000kms) so we’ve had lots of time to talk. We talked about ‘asking for help’ and one thing I’m sitting with is how often I ask for help without providing the context for why I need it. It can come across as more of a demand or an expectation than a request. Sometimes even as a reproach for the other not seeing it’s needed! Wow! This is painful to hear.
But I often notice how my requests don’t fly well with her, and with others. She said she can’t see why I’m asking for help with something I can do myself.
I realised that I need to provide context about my needs and motivation and check that out with the person. Sometimes I’m driven by ‘effectiveness’, saving time, etc. My asking is more like delegating, which may or may not be the other person’s agenda. Or they may like to be involved in the whole thing from the start and have a say instead of being an instrument of labour!!
Sometimes I need to go deeper, be vulnerable about needing help. And sometimes I need to take more (compassionate) responsibility for the messes I get myself into, which then drag others in.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder, Stephie! I feel like I needed to hear this after a busy week of doing & giving. Being independent and managing to do things alone is still so present in the Western culture that it really takes courage and strength to ask for support, whatever the situation is. Yet it also takes courage to stop and tune into where do I need support right now instead of just moving forward. I´m excited to watch the video you recommend and continue learning. Warm wishes from Helsinki, I
Hi Stephie - I relate to the inner tension "can do it myself" versus "needing support" and love how you relate that to politics and the amazing example of Ukraine, independent spirit and depending on support - learning how to ask, learning from you here because I signed up to your newsletter x